Jamming it all in: Part 13

My RPM journey to certification went quick. Too quick, if you ask me. My Jam journey, felt like it was taking forever.

I started teaching more often, at more places, and again teaching different choreography. Since I was trying to learn the choreography, I didn't have enough time to spend on technique. My head was an absolute mess of choreography.

I taught with a larger number of instructors, and for the best part, very few of them gave me feedback, and when they did, they gave me terrible or conflicting feedback. One time I was given feedback that actually rocked me to my core, had me bawling my eyes out, and was the least helpful thing that any instructor could have ever said to me.

I kept comparing my RPM journey with my Jam journey. With RPM, I could feel myself getting better. I felt myself getting more confident, feeling like I knew what I was doing, and that I was credible. With Jam, it constantly felt like it was just consuming all of my energy and I wasn't getting any better. If anything I was getting more tired, more confused, and more frustrated.

Was it ever going to get better? Or was I just deluding myself. Was Sarah's statement at the beginning of There were times when I looked at you and I just... *clutches at hair, makes pulling out motion* code for Don't bother because you'll never be good enough?

My Jam training began to take on a different focus for me. It wasn't about how to pass certification... but whether I should bother trying to at all.