In March 2011, I discovered some news which was hard for me emotionally. I had to take some time off work, and I struggled to get out of bed and face anyone, lost any desire to eat, drink, anything. What was worse was that when I needed support from a certain few, they chose instead to be dismissive and cold - which made things *way* worse.
I'll be honest... Rhys was actually one person I didn't think I could stand to be around during that time. He's known for being a bit raucous and a party animal, and I was worried that if I tried to be around him, his response would be "F**k it, drink vodka!" Which... would not have been helpful.
To my surprise, he was the *most* understanding of anyone.
He sent me a message to let me know to not worry about teaching with him until I was ready again, and if ever I needed to talk to anyone, he was there for me.
I made a few very difficult steps in the weeks - one of which was confronting the person that was responsible for my feeling so bad (and that is a matter which I won't talk about on this blog since it is personal to me and several other people) - and it was consuming every single moment of my existence.
I was desperate for a distraction. At that time, I had an RPM class, but it was only once every two weeks that I taught, and covers at that time were few and far between. I knew what I needed to do was to teach.
I managed to see Rhys and ask him if I could teach Jam with him the next night. He of course said that was absolutely fine. I hadn't taught any Jam for a while, so went with a block that I could teach just like that - the BJ55 hip hop block.
After teaching it, I automatically apologised to him because I didn't feel it was as good as it should have been.
What he said at that point quite possibly was the most influential thing that anyone could have said to me with regards to my Jam training.
Listen to me. This is going to be the hardest thing for you to hear, and you are going to struggle to get your head around it.
That was the best I'd ever seen you teach.
Your technique was perfect, your coaching was relaxed, and the right feel for the block.
If you did that for a whole class, you would pass certification.
It was the hardest thing for me to hear, and I did struggle to get my head around it. He went into further detail explaining about the texture of the moves, the difference in the levels, and everything else, though I still found it all very hard to take in. I hadn't prepared myself, had been out of the game for so long, yet he was telling me that it was the best he'd ever seen me teach.
It was only one block that I'd gotten right. But how many tracks do you need to get right for the module?
One.
In amongst that very sad and very dark time, I felt, "I can do this. I can actually do this."
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