I very much wanted to keep that I'd done the Jam module a secret. Not because I thought I'd fail, but because I wanted to be able to focus on my teaching without any sort of distraction.
However, one of the others who had flown down to Wellington to do the Combat module was a good friend of Jace, and Jace told a few close friends about the module. I had Hamish calling me to tell me Congratulations On Passing even before I'd boarded the flight to go back to Auckland and I had to try and hold it together to respond with a 'Actually I Didn't Pass'.
Arriving back in Auckland, even more people had found out, initially all close friends, and all automatically running up to me and giving me hugs and saying YAY WELL DONE. I felt almost like a party pooper having to burst their bubble and say 'No, not well done.' The reactions of my close friends ranged from confusion to outright anger.
Making my entrance back into the gym was also a bit of a shock, as members there knew too, and to my concern, they knew detail that I hadn't told anyone. They knew which songs I'd presented, they knew what I'd messed up, how I'd done at mirrorwork, how I'd done at the challenge, and of course, they knew my result. I was stunned by how much information they knew, and I wish I'd had the nouse to say "Who told you all of this?" The whole point of me doing the module in another city was so that noone knew about it!
For days, weeks... heck, even to this day, Sarah's words during the feedback session was.
"There were times when I looked at you and I just... *clutches at hair, makes pulling out motion*"
I couldn't even bare the thought of Jam. I didn't want to think about taking part in a class, never mind the thought of teaching.
Hands down, the least favourite aspect of Les Mills training is the mirrorwork required for technique. While I have come a long way with my self esteem, I will put my hand up and say I have problems with looking at myself in the mirror.
I can handle filming myself and watching it after the fact - I might swear and complain about it, but I'll do it, and I'll go "Actually that was kinda useful." Mirror work... completely different story. The fact that I was so clearly inadequate on the technique level, meaning I needed *more* mirrorwork... the thought made me feel physically ill.
This whole instructing thing really settled in my heart when Rhys Finlayson - Jam and Sh'Bam instructor for Les Mills - invited me to come and shadow for the BODYJAM 52 launch at my sponsor club. I was told by the manager that I wasn't allowed onstage until I'd passed the module. The module was cancelled, so I wasn't allowed onstage. Now, I'd done the module, but I hadn't passed, and I *still* wasn't allowed onstage.
I was talking to Rhys about the whole thing one night and next thing I know, he's asking me what I do on Monday and Wednesday nights. As I didn't have any classes of my own at that stage, I of course was just participating in other peoples classes. It was then that this exchange took place.
| Rhys | we can do some stuff like technique practise on the weekends maybe depending on how you're placed one way or another I will get you certified |
| Rhys | they can all SUCK IT |
| Marshmallow | I'd really like that too, I'd actually blotted out about 3 hours every Sunday to work on technique. I was going to go to New Lynn and practise in Studio 2 |
| Rhys | ya ya |
| Marshmallow | So it's kinda the same thing anyways :D |
| Rhys | I might be hungover but I can still doo it HAHAH |
| Marshmallow | Ahahahah I know you can :P |
| Marshmallow | Thank you so much, I really appreciate that! |
| Rhys | anytime |
Even though I had not passed the module, this guy had pretty much said "I will help you."
I didn't understand why he wanted to help - I really didn't. To this day, I still don't understand why he wanted to help.
At least I immediately recognised a blessing when I saw one.
4 comments:
I can't tell you how much my heart sank when I read this--I know how much it meant to you. Like you, Jam was the first program to inspire me enough to actually want to teach. I had never taught group fitness before, and don't exactly look like the cover of SHAPE magazine. Despite that I was incredibly motivated to try and I truly thought that my devotion to the program would be enough. After all-I had several people in class telling me I was really good-why couldn't I take it to the next level? So I went to my first (notice I said first) training and was completely overwhelmed and underprepared for the level of technical proficiency that was required. I was certifed on 45 (yes the global summit release)and in the states at the time you literally worked until 9PM and then had to learn a track and present it the next day. Luck of the draw-did I get the easy stuff-heck no. At the end of the first training I was positively crushed to find out I didn't pass and would have to resit. After allowing myself to have a decent pity party (you know they didn't pass me because I don't look like Rachel etc. ) I had to admit that there was a huge transition from avid participant to instructor. The level of cueing is so much harder in this program--it's not like Combat 4 sets of xyz, or Pump, which I am now certified in too. Every song is different every release. Sorry folks, but a Jab is a Jab is a Jab--Jam is much harder. If it helps at all-realize that you can absolutely pass. I had to work harder for this than anything I had ever done, and going back is tough because you can't help but feel vunerable. I aced my second training because I knew what to expect and the extra time I got to spend with a master trainer made me a better instructor. Keep at it--you will be even better because it didn't come 'easy ' to you--I know you can do this :)
Stacey - I know you more than anyone understand how I feel; and you had such a hard release training on BJ45. I remember feeling ecstatic for you upon you telling me that you had your training with Josh and Tim and passing the second time; though then I didn't have appreciation of how much you had been through and how much work and effort you had to put in to pass the second training. You seriously inspire me, girl :)
I'm sorry you didn't pass the first time, Raina! But I think sleadbetter is right and it doens't mean you should give up at all. Rhys sounds like a cool dude...I think its great that you're going to get some extra help so you can kick ass in a program you love. Good luck! I wish I was still teaching Jam but alas Zumba has crushed it at my gym like a little ant.
Shimi - Rhys is a cool person, one of the most awesome people I know :D It is amazing that he wants to help me; I'm very lucky.
It's an interesting situation with Zumba in Auckland... there are hardly any instructors around, so gyms that have Zumba on their timetable often get Jam instructors in to cover classes. However, at most of the clubs I am exposed to, I feel Sh'Bam would be more successful.
We'll see though, it's interesting times for Jammers the world over, I feel.
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