I woke up on the final day of the module with every part of my body hurting. I had initially thought of going into Britomart early to go through my second track, but even getting out of bed was a mission. Heck, every single movement I made was an absolute struggle, and my head was absolutely throbbing; kinda like being kicked in the face by a horse.
I listened to my track over and over, though had to force myself to concentrate - I found myself very easily drifting off.
I hadn't been to the doctor at this stage, and didn't know the extent of the injury. My track involved a lot of upper body undulation, and that probably was not what was the best form of activity for it. When it came time to present, my focus wasn't on others on the floor, it was barely on the music, and it certainly wasn't on my coaching. I was trying very hard to not cry out every time I performed the move which is effectively a body roll.
You can see the move demonstrated in the routine here at 0:14, and explained at 0:31 in this clip.
Yeah okay it probably doesn't look like much from afar, but I can guarantee you that everyone on that stage is getting some serious ripple action on during that move.
I may not have cried out every time I had to do the move, but T could tell that it hurt.
Throughout the day, I kept convincing myself that anything I felt wasn't because of the crash, but because of the general soreness from the module. Everyone in that room was hurting, so I felt embarrassed everytime T looked at me with concern and said, "Raina are you okay?"
I of course, tried to overcompensate leading into our final presentations and asked if I could teach a warmup. T said I could teach the first track which I presented as a warmup before doing my second track later on. Just because I'm insane like that.
When it came to giving us our outcome, T told everyone in the group straight away that we'd passed. I let out an audible sigh of relief. I didn't expect the news to come so quickly, especially after how long Sarah took to tell me last time.
It took a while to sink in. I couldn't have pictured that just passing the initial module for Jam would have taken that much time, and that much effort. I also couldn't picture how much continued time and effort was ahead of me. After all I wasn't out of the woods yet. I still needed to certify.
By now most of you would have heard the news which has stunned the Les Mills community - the news of Hernan Lopez's passing.
I didn't actually know Hernan, not even well, at all. I wasn't a regular in his classes, and I don't think I've ever had a proper conversation with him.
I don't teach Combat, so I haven't experienced his presenting on the DVDs, apart from the couple of filmings I went to where he was on the presenting crew (BC40, BC43, BC46).
If he knew anything about me, it was that I made this photo of him.
This was immediately after the BC40 filming (the one where he blurted out I AM KUNGFU PANDA in the middle of I Know Kung Fu)
My lack of knowing him didn't meant that I wasn't stunned on hearing the news. I know that he was loved and adored by many the world over, and an inspiration.
What I will know him for his teaching what would be the most hilarious classes that I've ever experienced. One time I was in his class and my pants were starting to slide down, so I stopped the chorey to pull them up. Hernan spotted this and yelled out to me "NO! LEAVE your pants!! Let them fall down!!!" I don't think I've ever encountered another instructor which has encouraged me to let my pants fall down in class.
Even though I don't think I've ever spoken to him, every time we crossed paths, I would get that trademark smile which just had that way of lifting up your spirits. I know that smile will be etched in peoples memories and hearts forever.
While we are all left reeling from he loss of an incredible personality within the Les Mills community, what we are feeling is probably but a fragment of how his family and friends are feeling right now.
If there's anything that can be taken from this, it's to spend your lives doing what you love with the people you love. Take every chance to tell the people that you care about that you do care, and cherish every moment.
We are all human. And it can all be taken away from us in a heartbeat.
When it comes to module track allocations, this is how I find it generally goes. Take every track I like, love, or am itching to teach, and disregard it. Take the remaining tracks, and pick the one that is my weakest to execute, and that's the track I ended up getting.
By the stage the module was confirmed, and it was confirmed to be on BODYJAM 57.
For those of you who don't have the ability to view the routines, here is a little snippet of the BODYJAM 57 training session from Sydney in July of 2011; this is the beginning of the Street Party Riot routine. The guy presenting it is the choreography of the program, Gandalf Archer. (Yes, seriously. His name is Gandalf. And he often wears grey too. Mind blown.)
I can confirm that I do not look even 1% as cool as any of the guys in that video.
Through teaching with Rhys, I had fortunately managed to teach the whole release top to bottom, non-stop, and was thrown in the deep end with it also.
As in...
Rhys
Guess what, Rai Rai's teaching the second half!
Me
HUH???
* Rhys throws microphone at me and runs off the stage
Rhys
TEE HEE!
From the teaching and the feedback that I got, I figured that the two tracks I could possibly be given was 1) the isolations track - Gloria Estefan's 'Go Away', and 2) a track from the Street Party Riot block by Vandalism & Static Revenger called 'Vegas'. So I started doing a lot of mirror work, scripting, listening to the tracks over and over.
Then, given that I'd put so much effort into learning those two tracks, a thought occurred to me.
"I bet I'm going to get two completely different tracks now..."
That night, an email came through from Tauvaga with our track allocations.
Hey everyone!
Here are your BJ Track allocations for the module this weekend:
... Raina Singh - Afro Caribbean Street Party 1 - La Tromba Rising and Street Party Riot 3 - Do It Like This ...
Chur everybody, see you Friday at Britomart!
Tau
Rhys thought it was actually good, since he believed my technique was the best in the Caribbean Street Party block, and the second track was small and only had a couple of moves.
On the day of the module, I was so nervous that I felt physically ill. I headed down to Britomart early and stood in front of the mirrors and went through my tracks. Tauvaga came down and introduced himself - although he certainly didn't need to tell me who he was. He'd just presented BJ56 at the previous Auckland workshops, and then he's all over the LMI and LMNZ marketing material, including DVD artwork. (I had to do a massive double take when he appeared on the cover of RPM 47, *without* cycling shoes also)
From the outset, this module had a very different feel to the one in Wellington. It felt much more focused. Tauvaga (T) said to me that "I could allow myself to be immersed in the program completely", whereas the multi-programme module in comparison felt very disjointed and generic. T was given the opportunity to deliver the manual content and relating it specifically to Jam. The training exercises were related to Jam and only Jam, instead of being a general One Size Fits All.
We had clear guidance on what was expected from us, from what we were going to do for the duration of the module, and how it all fitted together. While I technically had done the module before, I felt I was receiving the information and how it related to Jam much better.
The way that the technique sessions were structured were also really good. As we had a small group, rather than going through the whole masterclass bit by bit, T split the technique sessions into two - the first half of the release, and then the second half. We each had a track from the first half and from the second half, so we all had a lot to concentrate on.
I did have a bit of a problem though. I was the Know It All of the group. Answering all the questions, and adding on to whatever T said, sometimes correcting him.
I found myself constantly apologising as I kept on piping up, because T was super nice he said "Don't be ashamed of your knowledge." Bah. I hereby apologise to everyone who was on that module with me - If I were in your shoes I would have gotten annoyed with me very quickly.
Day 1 ended and I felt optimistic. Presentations were first thing the next day, and I was nervous... but it was a different sort of nervous. I can't really explain how. I'd taught the block a million times, gotten loads of feedback on it before, so I guess what was going through my head was 'Have I forgotten anything?' I'd tried to be as thorough with my technique as possible, but remembering Sarah Robinson and all of the crosses in my technique feedback form had me a bit paranoid.
Day 2 started with our first presentation, and it actually went really smoothly. T gave feedback in a similar way to Sarah in that he gave it immediately after the presentation - though that worked well as we were a small group. The feedback he gave to me was to try and push the breakout more.
And that was it.
I had to take a moment to go. "... Really? That's... Really???"
We did some more exercises, read from the manual more, then did our second part of the technique for the masterclass. This related more to the tracks that were going to present on Day 3, though after that was done T spent some time with us one on one going through both of our tracks. This was really valuable, and I appreciate that for most modules, this probably wouldn't be possible. I think of the 16 people on our RPM module, the 10 people on the multiprogramme module, and the 16 people on the other module I did... then extend that to the 40 people on the CXWORX module... how many of them would have gotten one on one time with the trainer to go over their tracks?
One thing that T said that was heartening was he knew about my being withheld previously, and he was prepared to give me much more help with my technique but was pleasantly surprised. His exact words were, "I can tell that you've put a lot of work into your technique." That's down to Rhys.
I actually felt the second presentation went more worse than the first. I had tried to structure my coaching based on what had been covered in the material that day, and it didn't feel authentic - it felt forced. T asked me immediately after I'd presented how I felt it had gone, and I said, "I didn't like it, it felt contrived." Running with that, he said that he agreed, it didn't feel like the coaching was coming from my heart, but that it was one of those things that I would relax into eventually.
Driving home on the end of Day 2, I was tired, my body was sore, and I was looking forward to a long shower and a warm meal. It was pouring down with rain, so I was really looking forward to getting inside, fed and watered, and to bed.
On the drive though, the car in front of me suddenly slammed on their brakes. I had to slam on mine to avoid rear-ending them, and thankfully, I just managed to avoid hitting them.
But, the woman behind me had no chance. She slammed into my car at over 100k/ph. I didn't immediately feel the soreness, but I was well shaken. I pulled over, and then got out of the car to see if the other woman was all right. She was shaken as well, and I explained to her that the car in front of me had stopped randomly and I had narrowly missed them. We exchanged details and I sat back in my car.
The first person I texted was not a friend, not a family member, but it was T. After the disaster that was Wellington with the injury, I regretted not telling Sarah about it. I wasn't going to repeat it.
I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I had sprained my lower back, neck, and had mild concussion, as well as general whiplash through the neck and shoulders. I was hurting, but I wasn't sure how much of it was fatigue from the module or how much of it was injury from the crash.
I was one day away from finding out whether I was still on this Jam Journey of mine, or whether it was ending. Maybe my priorities were out of line, but I was not going to let the crash stop me. It had been far too much time, and far too much effort to get to this point and there was no way that I was going to let it all go to waste.
With Rhys presenting BJ57, it put him in an awesome position to help me with technique for that release. I would teach a block, he would observe, and give me thorough, detailed notes about the technique and what I needed to improve on.
There was one detail that I needed to take care of, and that was getting on a module.
I did not want to fly down to Wellington and fail again. I also did not want the same experience whereby as soon as I came back to Auckland, every person and their dog knew in excruciatingly fine detail of what I'd been doing.
I spoke with Mid Thomas, the event training manager for Les Mills New Zealand and she said that if I got four people onto the module, she'd organise one on the fly. She also said that she would use a different trainer, Tauvaga Siolo from Wellington. Hmm... funny how all of my Jam training thus far had a Wellington connection. The first time I went to Wellington, the second time, Wellington was coming to me.
I knew a couple of people who were wanting to do the module - including one person who had been in the same boat as me and had been the only one who had registered and had it cancelled around her. The other thing I needed to do was sort out a date that everyone could do it.
I had three people, so I needed a fourth one to make it happen.
In amongst all of this crazy Jamness, I did the AIM1 module for RPM with Sarah Ostergaard. I felt I did okay, not my best work because I was so nervous and had to contend with firealarms blaring throughout my first presentation, yet Mid sent me an email to tell me that Sarah told her that she was really impressed by my teaching. My reaction was initially like OH GAWD PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME *HIDE*, and when I bumped into other LMNZ trainers, they all said that they heard that I'd done well at AIM - again, my reaction was OH GAWD EVEN MOAR PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT ME *HIDES AGAIN*
I forwarded this message from Mid to Hamish and Cath. It was in the same message however, the Mid was talking about the number of people I needed to make the module happen. The next time I saw Hamish, he said that he wanted to do it again. He didn't need to do the module, but he really wanted to in an attempt to rediscover the spark that made him want to teach Jam to begin with.
This meant that I had the required 4 people to do the module. The date was scheduled, and I put in my leave from work.
In March 2011, I discovered some news which was hard for me emotionally. I had to take some time off work, and I struggled to get out of bed and face anyone, lost any desire to eat, drink, anything. What was worse was that when I needed support from a certain few, they chose instead to be dismissive and cold - which made things *way* worse.
I'll be honest... Rhys was actually one person I didn't think I could stand to be around during that time. He's known for being a bit raucous and a party animal, and I was worried that if I tried to be around him, his response would be "F**k it, drink vodka!" Which... would not have been helpful.
To my surprise, he was the *most* understanding of anyone.
He sent me a message to let me know to not worry about teaching with him until I was ready again, and if ever I needed to talk to anyone, he was there for me.
I made a few very difficult steps in the weeks - one of which was confronting the person that was responsible for my feeling so bad (and that is a matter which I won't talk about on this blog since it is personal to me and several other people) - and it was consuming every single moment of my existence.
I was desperate for a distraction. At that time, I had an RPM class, but it was only once every two weeks that I taught, and covers at that time were few and far between. I knew what I needed to do was to teach.
I managed to see Rhys and ask him if I could teach Jam with him the next night. He of course said that was absolutely fine. I hadn't taught any Jam for a while, so went with a block that I could teach just like that - the BJ55 hip hop block.
After teaching it, I automatically apologised to him because I didn't feel it was as good as it should have been.
What he said at that point quite possibly was the most influential thing that anyone could have said to me with regards to my Jam training.
Listen to me. This is going to be the hardest thing for you to hear, and you are going to struggle to get your head around it.
That was the best I'd ever seen you teach.
Your technique was perfect, your coaching was relaxed, and the right feel for the block.
If you did that for a whole class, you would pass certification.
It was the hardest thing for me to hear, and I did struggle to get my head around it. He went into further detail explaining about the texture of the moves, the difference in the levels, and everything else, though I still found it all very hard to take in. I hadn't prepared myself, had been out of the game for so long, yet he was telling me that it was the best he'd ever seen me teach.
It was only one block that I'd gotten right. But how many tracks do you need to get right for the module?
One.
In amongst that very sad and very dark time, I felt, "I can do this. I can actually do this."
A few months passed, and I was teaching more and more. Most of the time it was little isolation tracks, and the same Salsa 2010 block to try and get a bit more choreography under my belt.
During this time, I made a series of hilarious mistakes which I actually look back on really fondly.
One time was when I taught the warmup from BJ56. I started off on the correct foot, but then did something odd with my feet and ended up on the wrong one. On the second rep of the heel pump, Rhys and I were facing in opposite directions, completely oblivious that we both were doing different things.
Like this.
Then, on the third rep, we turned in to face the other direction, and we were facing each other.
Because that's not awkward at all...
Then, there was another time before class when Rhys and I were going over a track. It was raining outside, and part of where I was practising was carpeted, the other part had some linoleum on the floor. The track I was teaching had a lot of side to side movement, so sometimes my feet would end up on the lino as I travelled. The lino was slippery because people had brought in water from outside. I made a note to try and not slip over. Of course, the moment I had this thought, Rhys says, "Rai Rai, there's the lino..." and BOOM! Down I fall! Rhys absolutely lost it and could not stop laughing. It wasn't even a small slip, it was pretty much down to the ground in the most unglamorous fashion possible. The timing was remarkable!
Not only was going through his training a journey for me, but I felt it was also a journey for him (he may not agree, but whatever, my blog. :P) I started being trained by him shortly after he had shadowed for the BJ55 workshop. An honour? Well yes... but also met with a bit of sceptism on my part.
LMNZ may not have meant it this way at all... though all of the Jammers onstage for workshop were the ones who had just done the recent AIM1 and AIM2 (where AIM = Advanced Instructor Module)for Jam. I have heard of other agencies inviting people who have done AIMs up onstage to shadow for workshop simply as a token gesture. They of course have gotten the wrong idea and believed that the reason why they were onstage was because they were of presenting calibre and have gotten all worked up in thinking that they're Les Mills's Next Presenter.
I don't agree with people being selected for workshop just because they did an AIM, but whatever. I don't know if this was LMNZ's goal, but it *felt* a bit like it looking at the lineup for the BJ55 workshop.
So when Rhys was confirmed to be presenting for BJ57, he nearly lost his voice with the screaming of excitement.
As did I!!!
Who would have thought, I was basically being trained by a workshop presenter!
What was interesting was seeing him go through the presenter pathway, and the feedback that he was getting and how he was handling it. I look up to him as a really mindblowingly amazing instructor, so hearing about the feedback he was receiving as part of his preparation for the workshops was intriguing.
He basically was encouraged to change his entire teaching style - to teach in as bland and as monotone a vocal quality as he could, and to really push the new 'set up, follow up, and shut up' coaching model for Jam.
One time I walked into the end of a Jam class that Rhys was teaching to find Carla Fitzsimons and Mid Thomas hiding behind a corner. They saw me and were like "SHHHH!!! Come here! Be quiet! WE'RE SPYING!!!"
Remember how I said that Rhys was very keen on throwing trainees in the deep end and seeing how they went? That was what had happened that night. Rhys had expected to be doing a portion of the class but when he turned up Carla told him, "You're actually doing the whole thing LOLOLOLOL YAY GOOD LUCK KTHXBYE *runs*."
Hiding around the corner from Mid and Carla was really insightful, as they spoke frankly about him and how well he'd done. Carla turned to me and said, "He's done so well. He's changed his entire style of teaching, just like *that*." If anyone asked me to completely change my entire style of teaching I'd probably be like 'TOO HARD I QUIT.'
I don't think I've articulated this to Rhys, but seeing how he handled that entire feedback process was really inspiring to me. He was in a similar place with getting direct feedback delivered to him was concerned, but he never took any of it personally and grew in bounds and leaps as an instructor, and as a presenter.
That was the type of instructor I wanted to be. One that could take feedback for what it was, and go with it.
It made me see how the whole feedback, learning and development doesn't really ever stop, and if I wanted to instruct, I had to damn well get used to it.
The shadowing gave me a bit of time to slowly refine learning the Hip Hop from BJ55. However, I was a bit frustrated with the slow progress.
When I started training for RPM, I was teaching between 2 and 3 times a week. I had only taught a couple of times for Jam, and it had been a month or so after the module had finished.
Relying on the one class to shadow with Rhys... I soon figured that it wasn't enough. I had been attending Hamish's BODYJAM at on a Wednesday night, and Rhys taught a class on a Wednesday night which I was welcome to come and team teach in.
Instead of going to take part in a class, it made more sense to go and do a class onstage, get some more teaching under my belt, and get more feedback.
Only problem was that this particular gym was a good 50 kilometres outside of Auckland's city centre. So it was a pretty decent effort travelling down to the gym, teaching the class, and coming back in. It was quite a massive time investment.
That being said, I was in complete awe of the committment Rhys had to teaching the program. I won't disclose it online, but the payment that he got for teaching that class barely covered the expense to travel down to the gym. Never mind that as a talented Jammer, it ruled him out of covering Jam classes at six, maybe seven other gyms where he could charge a higher rate and would no doubt take him far less time and expense to get there. Who was I to complain?
I would shadow with Rhys on the Monday at the gym after teaching RPM, and afterwards we'd decide on what I was to teach on Wedensday, and what my focus should be.
Rhys's style of training was very much a 'throw you in the deep end and see how your perform'. Before you think "OH MY GOD HOW EVIL", that's *exactly* how he was trained. I certainly wouldn't appreciate it at the time, but it was such an amazing way to grow not only my confidence with Jam, but across all programs that I would ever teach.
After learning the Hip Hop block from BJ55, we shifted attention to the Salsa 2010 block from the same release. We had a mirror session the night before teaching it, and heck, for a block that lasted less than 20 minutes, I was absolutely smashed. I only integrated basic coaching and could barely get the words out. I thought the shadowing was supposed to improve my fitness?! Rhys assured me that it's something I would just have to work on, and I wasn't the first person to experience it. I was fit for one program, but that didn't make me automatically fit for every other program. Each program is its own discipline, and it shouldn't be so startling to recognise that RPM requires its own type of fitness, Step requires its own type of fitness, and so on and so forth.
For my first time teaching the BJ55 block, I did something quite foreign to me. I chose not to script. I started doing it, but given the experience from the previous times teaching, I decided to take a gamble and not do it.
I'd say it 'sort of worked'. This time because I wasn't so desperately trying to remember what I'd written down, I could focus on the technique, and I could focus on the members to see if they were getting it. I had some grip over what I wanted to say, but as I was struggling with the cardio as it was, I couldn't quite get all of the words out.
I found myself apologising to Rhys repeatedly before he could even give me any feedback. I know that he was taking a risk every time he had me up onstage with him, and having me there at two clubs was potentially jeapordising half of the classes he taught. If the members complained about me, it was on his head - especially as I was a 'trainee' who hadn't passed the module.
I really wanted to improve. Not so much for myself anymore, but to honour the risk he was taking.
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